May 9th, 2011 | Glenn Pickering

Advice For Relationships:Parenting, Part V

Things Your Kid Wishes You Knew: #5

“If we are not connected, I will always seem ‘rebellious’.”

The solution is not for me to quit rebelling but for you to start spending more time with me.

Every minute you spend with me during the non-crisis times makes me want to pay more attention to you during the crisis times.

So, if you want me to be more obedient, spend more time with me.

Not occasionally.

Regularly.

It’s the regularly-scheduled times that I know I can count on and that give me a chance to talk to you, before things get out of hand.

So, if I seem like a problem to you, don’t avoid me – connect with me.

And pretty soon, the problems will disappear.

 

Rachel says: Parenting isn’t easy; you have got to want it, bad.  You can‘t just want to fix the problem so that life is easy for you-you have to put in the time to make your relationship great.

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May 9th, 2011 | Glenn Pickering

Advice For Relationships:Parenting, Part IV

What Your Kid Wishes You Knew: #4

“I want to know that you love me, not my performance.

Going to my games doesn’t mean you love me.

Praising my successes doesn’t mean you love me.

Blaming others for my failures doesn’t mean you love me.

Praising me for trying means you love me.

 

If I get a bad grade but I studied for hours, did all my homework, and tried my best, I need to hear you say “Way to study, way to try, I’m proud of your effort.”

My performance is not who I am.

I need to know that you know that.

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May 9th, 2011 | Glenn Pickering

Advice For Relationships:Parenting, Part III

What Your Kid Wishes You Knew: #3

When you yell, I feel worthless.

Yelling means that something else is more important to you than I am.

Maybe it’s what other people will think

Maybe it’s your own need to be in control

Maybe it’s an object, like a car.

Maybe it’s my grades.

Maybe it’s your rules.

 

When any of these meaningless things are more important than I am, the message is clear:

I am worthless.

 

Is that really what you’re trying to teach me?

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May 9th, 2011 | Glenn Pickering

Advice For Relationships: Parenting, Part I

THE 10 THINGS YOUR KID WISHES YOU KNEW: #1

“I need you.”

It is important that you not be fooled by my age, my occasionally angry words, or even by the level of success that I may achieve.

The way in which I need you and the things I need from you do indeed change over time.  But my need for you never changes.

You are my rock.

In my constantly changing world, your love is the one thing I can depend upon.

So, please don’t be fooled by appearances.

Keep listening to me, keep writing to me, and keep calling me.

 

Because I need you.

Right now.

 

And always.

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